For me again

Aside from all this gymming that’s been going on…I’ve decided  to do a florist course. To do something I love. Because this year has been hard! So, so, so…hard!

I figure if I want to be calm and beautiful inside and out why not work around calm, beautiful things too…

It’ll be an adventure but I look forward to sharing some positive experiences along the way! And probably some awful mistakes ☺

Gratitude

There are a hundred and one things to bring you down in this world, the darkness, the sadness, the tough times. 

But even in amongst all of that theres always something good, no matter how small. Something you can be greatful for… today I am greatful.

I am greatful for warm baths and peace and quiet.

I am grateful for a beautiful candle filling my bathroom with light and fragrance…

I am greatful for cups of tea and a sweet chocolate delivered by my daughter to the bath….

And most of all I am greatful for my family without which I wouldn’t keep smiling and finding the beautiful light amongst the darkness.

You can only see the stars when you’re standing in the dark sometimes…but they’re always there sparkling and lending you their light.

Yesterday I did something for me!

And what a wonderful time I had, I went to a Florists and did a home flower arranging workshop and made my own bouquet!

It was so much fun! I highly recommend it ☺

These are a few examples of pretty arrangements using stuff at home!

And this is the outcome… not too shabby… I’d like to practise with prettier flowers next time, but I love the Autumn colours here!

such fun!

Vintage love
The flowers in a vase

Faith in the process

“Have faith in the process, trust that you are going to a place you are meant for, a place that might not make sense now but will make plenty of sense later. You will see that because this happened, that happened. And the order of it all, no matter how painful or beautiful, was exactly what it needed to be.” – Lewis Holmes

https://www.holstee.com/blogs/mindful-matter/who-are-you via @holstee
So hard to remember this all the time 😯

I keep thinking I’m fine I’ll just keep on but it’s not working. My D&C was 7 weeks ago now and life is very much back to normal but I’m not.

A family member said today that everything for our family was all good news because my mum for an all clear & my sis in law got an all clear for something else and she was stood holding a beautiful baby boy. All wonderful amazing things that I am happy for them for, true blessings…

But I immediately had a chest thud and thought “is it? Not for me” and felt sad and guilty for the thought at the same time & I felt like crying.

What I did though was smiled and said yes it’s all wonderful and changed the subject.

I’m so over this suprise grief, where someone says something and your like wow where did that feeling come from….or are those tears…or why are you upset now???

I know theres a jouney here, but I would like to be done with it now thanks. I’m ready for my happy ending now.

 

Saying goodbye

Again…

Yesterday I attended that old friends funeral. As far as I am aware he suffered from depression who culminated in him feeling so overwhelmed that he killed himself.

The funeral was lovely, his family was strong, the photos of him happy were many and he was sent off in a great fashion to the tune of Hallelujah. Beautiful.

Then we toasted him and his life at a personal drinks, but if I am totally honest although I felt sadness I mostly felt anger at him for going so soon and for not following his own rules to reach out and call.

I hope you all reach out and call someone…anyone! 

If you are feeling low, lost or just need a friend or your mum. Please, please, just call!

Because whether you think it or not, you are cared for, someone smiles when they think of you and you most definitely will be missed.