Imposter

I’m an imposter. I feel like I’m on the outside of my life looking in watching as it goes along a path that I’m not prepared for.

Scared.

Sore.

Tired.

How is this going to go?

Have I made a mistake?

Will it be worth it?

Will it be ok?

There’s a small part of me that is excited but most of me is unsure.

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29 weeks today

And I am sore and worried and tired….

I’m not sure the baby is moving as much as it should Or has been…?

I’m worried about finances still… I have no idea how we I’ll make ends meet…

I’m worried the pain I am feeling isn’t normal, last night getting out of bed I could barely stand up! And had really painful stomach cramps…. and today I am pretty sore and moving around hurts… but apparently that’s the best thing to do..

Maybe it’s because I haven’t exceeded enough, but my gosh who has the motivation.. not me at the moment. I’m so heavy I’m not sure how I am carrying myself around!

My OH is looking to me all the time for some reassurance that I’m ok… and I am. I’m just not feeling it right now today, life isn’t quite what I thought it would be.. I know I am super blessed and others don’t have half of what i have but sometimes I wonder what a different life would be like….

We have a date!

It’s set. Baby’s arrival date is set.

How terrified am I! Omg…. seriously the whole c-section thing is scaring me to death.

At least baby is big and growing well but I don’t know how much more I can take.

Not to mention how will I go back to work at 18weeks? My baby will be so small and probably not sleep… how will we survive it???

Anyone have some advice?

Baby thoughts and fears

Still 27 weeks pregnant and having the strangest symptoms!

Latest is tingling and numbness in my face… I expected it in my legs and arms as its talked about in loads of forums… but my face is a wierd one….

Also heartburn and indigestion is my constant companion.

I guess I am now lucky that I have some pills for my morning sickness and can work more and be alive a bit more. The first 25weeks were tough, I’m not built for being pregnant.

The other stuff that worries me right now is A massive list!

  • Money- how do we support us while on maternity leave? And how do we save while we are waiting for this baby? I hate being at home all the time but feel inam stuck there due to our financial situation ๐Ÿ˜ฏ๐Ÿ˜ซ
  • The house – it’s not baby ready! It’s so not done up or anything and we have no money to do it up right now๐Ÿ–“
  • The birth – I am having a cesarean and getting my tubes tied at the same time… but what if it all goes wrong or baby comes early?? What then? ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ซ
  • Having a baby and a teenager – how will my love and care be split over the two of them plus my partner? How do I make sure one is looked after and the other is not left out?
  • Going back to work – I’ll be back at work after 18weeks… how am I going to survive?
  • Health – what if baby isn’t healthy?

Anyone else been here? I’d love to know your thoughts?

Back to work

I am so over this feeling like crap already!!!

I know I have to go through the grief but I’m fed up with crying and feeling isolated.

I cried today because after I got through my first day back at work ( that was full of random coments, not directed at me but definitely upsetting me and questions asking me how I was & if I felt better. Nice really to anyone who isn’t full of sadness…)

My ordered piece of art turned up…BENT! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
So I cried because right now as hard as it is I feel like this year the universe is out to get me.

In reality I know it’s not. But I am feeling very sad, very alone and a bit lost ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

A strong person is not the one who doesnโ€™t cry.ย A strong person is the one who cries & sheds tears for a moment, then gets up and fights again.

I feel like I keep doing or saying the wrong thing, like I can’t do anything right. I text my friends and thought I’d asked for support told them I’m lonely and they said nothing back.

Maybe because they dont know what to say. Maybe because I said to much or something offensive…? Or maybe they don’t want to know my sadness? I feel like I have done something wrong. Upset them… when all I did was say the truth ๐Ÿ˜ข

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I brought my daughter a kitten thinking it might help but it’s like it really isn’t & the cat here already, well I’ve upset him too…

Yes this is a whiney blog but if I can’t say it here. Where can I say it?

I’m sad.
I’m lonely.
I wish my friends were here.
I wish my baby was here too.
I don’t feel strong. This is hard.

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Recovery day 1.

Sore, a little bit broken and tired. I know I’ll get there though. The tears are odd beasts, they come randomly.

I think I feel a bit lonely as only my partner in my immediate group can understand kind of how I feel, but then he can’t really either.

I’ll be ok though. We’ll get through. But right now this is all I can say to myself…well other people’s memes can help me…

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