Mindless chatter

16years ago I was learning to cope with a newborn girl…

2 years ago we lost a baby at 12 weeks….

Today I am 2 months away from having a baby boy….

How crazy life is!

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Imposter

I’m an imposter. I feel like I’m on the outside of my life looking in watching as it goes along a path that I’m not prepared for.

Scared.

Sore.

Tired.

How is this going to go?

Have I made a mistake?

Will it be worth it?

Will it be ok?

There’s a small part of me that is excited but most of me is unsure.

29 weeks today

And I am sore and worried and tired….

I’m not sure the baby is moving as much as it should Or has been…?

I’m worried about finances still… I have no idea how we I’ll make ends meet…

I’m worried the pain I am feeling isn’t normal, last night getting out of bed I could barely stand up! And had really painful stomach cramps…. and today I am pretty sore and moving around hurts… but apparently that’s the best thing to do..

Maybe it’s because I haven’t exceeded enough, but my gosh who has the motivation.. not me at the moment. I’m so heavy I’m not sure how I am carrying myself around!

My OH is looking to me all the time for some reassurance that I’m ok… and I am. I’m just not feeling it right now today, life isn’t quite what I thought it would be.. I know I am super blessed and others don’t have half of what i have but sometimes I wonder what a different life would be like….

We have a date!

It’s set. Baby’s arrival date is set.

How terrified am I! Omg…. seriously the whole c-section thing is scaring me to death.

At least baby is big and growing well but I don’t know how much more I can take.

Not to mention how will I go back to work at 18weeks? My baby will be so small and probably not sleep… how will we survive it???

Anyone have some advice?

You can’t turn back time

Some days I wish I could turn back time and not be pregnant. There would be no worries then. But there would also be less magic that a baby brings.

I’m terrified if the truth be told of what this will do to my current relationship with my eldest? Will it be fine or strained? Will she feel out of the family loop? I really hope not.

I love her so much and hope that we can all four of us learn how to live in a new family dynamic.

I also feel a little mournful for our current lifestyle and relationship.

I guess things change all the time and this is just another change on the ride of life.

Baby thoughts and fears

Still 27 weeks pregnant and having the strangest symptoms!

Latest is tingling and numbness in my face… I expected it in my legs and arms as its talked about in loads of forums… but my face is a wierd one….

Also heartburn and indigestion is my constant companion.

I guess I am now lucky that I have some pills for my morning sickness and can work more and be alive a bit more. The first 25weeks were tough, I’m not built for being pregnant.

The other stuff that worries me right now is A massive list!

  • Money- how do we support us while on maternity leave? And how do we save while we are waiting for this baby? I hate being at home all the time but feel inam stuck there due to our financial situation 😯😫
  • The house – it’s not baby ready! It’s so not done up or anything and we have no money to do it up right now🖓
  • The birth – I am having a cesarean and getting my tubes tied at the same time… but what if it all goes wrong or baby comes early?? What then? 😫😫😫
  • Having a baby and a teenager – how will my love and care be split over the two of them plus my partner? How do I make sure one is looked after and the other is not left out?
  • Going back to work – I’ll be back at work after 18weeks… how am I going to survive?
  • Health – what if baby isn’t healthy?

Anyone else been here? I’d love to know your thoughts?

Pregnant and should be ecstatic right?

I’m pregnant, 23 weeks, it’s a rainbow baby and it’s lovely to be blessed with this gift…. but pregnancy and I do not go well together. The only time I have not been sick when pregnant is when I miscarried.

I am sick still, with my last baby I was sick for 9 months… I was hoping this would be better. It’s not.

I was on medication for it. The medication made me worse, anxiety, almost to the point of panic attacks, cloudy depression, tiredness, still vomiting, unable to eat, the chills and shakes. All of this landed me in hospital. Suffice to say I stopped taking that medication.

Prenatal vitamins cause me heart palpitations and to top all of this off the new medication I am on makes my stomach hurt and I’m still vomiting at least once a day.

I work full time and aside from.all the other time off I have had to have and the stressful prohect I have been removed from, today I have been at work today for about 30mins and am thinking about if I need to go home already as I was super pukey this morning and am now having dumb stomach pains again..sigh… when does it get better?

Does it get better? Am I the only pregnant lady who is not excited. I have no sparkle for this pregnancy, all I feel is sick, tired and overwhelmed.

And it just makes people at work etc. Ask me if I’m ok… I just wish I could say “actually, No, I’m not ok”….and lay it all out for them but instead I domt want to lay this at their door. Its not their fault. So I have a coffee and carry on.

Does anyone else feel this way? Or am I in a minority of those who hate pregnancy?