Where is everyone?

Where has everyone gone? Were pregnant and having a baby but not crippled…

All my friends have disappeared, I haven’t had any invitations in weeks… why?

Is it just too hard?

Has life got in the way?

Do we have nothing to give now?

Is it because I can’t have a wine?

What’s happened? Why do we no longer get invitations and how do I keep up a social life so I dont feel like a leper?

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Mindless chatter

16years ago I was learning to cope with a newborn girl…

2 years ago we lost a baby at 12 weeks….

Today I am 2 months away from having a baby boy….

How crazy life is!

The struggle is real…

I’m struggling to think of this baby as a positive thing…

I don’t know why.

I know I’ll love it when it’s here.

But a small part of me feels like I’m losing the life I struggled so hard to build with my current beautiful amazing daughter…

Change is hard sometimes.

Imposter

I’m an imposter. I feel like I’m on the outside of my life looking in watching as it goes along a path that I’m not prepared for.

Scared.

Sore.

Tired.

How is this going to go?

Have I made a mistake?

Will it be worth it?

Will it be ok?

There’s a small part of me that is excited but most of me is unsure.

29 weeks today

And I am sore and worried and tired….

I’m not sure the baby is moving as much as it should Or has been…?

I’m worried about finances still… I have no idea how we I’ll make ends meet…

I’m worried the pain I am feeling isn’t normal, last night getting out of bed I could barely stand up! And had really painful stomach cramps…. and today I am pretty sore and moving around hurts… but apparently that’s the best thing to do..

Maybe it’s because I haven’t exceeded enough, but my gosh who has the motivation.. not me at the moment. I’m so heavy I’m not sure how I am carrying myself around!

My OH is looking to me all the time for some reassurance that I’m ok… and I am. I’m just not feeling it right now today, life isn’t quite what I thought it would be.. I know I am super blessed and others don’t have half of what i have but sometimes I wonder what a different life would be like….

Building excitement

I’m trying to build my baby excitement, we have been cutting back significantly, but i am still worried that we wont be abpe to afford things in our period of lowered income….so I’m not really buying anything for baby or me or my daughter at the moment.. sigh.

What did you do to feel excited about a new baby? That didn’t cost the earth?

Sessions

Today I had a clinic session to help me manage my thoughts. It was really interesting…. reminded me how I need to control my catastrophising thoughts and take a step back to breath, practice talking to myself about how we will be ok and also to remind myself that it’s ok to look after me.

I need to learn how to breath and relax and be mindful of my place today.

I think it’s helped. I feel better today about the positive impact this child will have rather then all the negative thoughts.

Long may it continue.