What do I do with all these feelings?

Yesterday I had a lovely day spending time with old friends and new, but by the time I got home I was tearful and I cannot put my finger on why?

It’s been 7weeks since I miscarried and I thought I was getting on ok. But from the looks of this blog and the tears last night and how I feel today. Maybe not.

I don’t know what to do with it all really and the bad stuff just keeps coming. Last week I had word that an old acquaintance, a friend really,  I suppose, took his own life.

So since Christmas my life has been all about loss and coping…. two deaths, My mums breast cancer & a miscarraige. 

I often think that its not that bad. I mean I’m not dying right? I have a job, it’s stressful but it pays the bills, I have a family who love me, I’m very lucky that people very close to me, as in my immediate family, have not died. So why cry? I’m lucky.

But I think that’s griefs trick. It’s like someone hiding behind a tree….and jumping out at you when you least expect it…if you get too busy to allow grief to just be. Greif seems to get busy making you crazy and continuing to enter into your life by any means possible until you let it be there.

I seem to be learning that I have to let grief be. I’m just not sure how to do that, but I’m learning.

And I guess I’m still lucky too, well sort of.

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