Tears flowed again

Why?

For the life I wanted.

For the plan I changed, to make room for the life i didn’t know I wanted.

For the life I learned to live and lost.

And for the plans I’ll have to change to get the life I want before I’m too old to have it.

I cried for the life I wanted, got taken away & am yet to have.

I cried because the mask is gone.

image

Thoughts…

Thursday this week will be 3days since my D&C, almost a month. Some days I feel Ok and some days I feel awful.

I know it will take time however I want to not be sad anymore, and if I am sad I want to accept it.

At one point I thought that I would never smile like I had smiled before and sometimes I have thought am I always going to be sad.

But recently I am realising that all of these experiences are making me a better person. I am ready to be ok again (for the most part) I will get my shine back somehow.

I am remembering those things that give me joy. My daughter, partner, family, our cats, music, art…there’s so much to give me joy.

I know it will take time but I will get there.

image

Coping with the day!

How do people cope??

Getting used to the daily grind again and getting used to the unexpected things that you can’t control!

Its been almost two weeks since my miscarraige and I had a difficult moment today (amongst many!)….

A guy I’m working with just told me that he is expecting a new baby girl this year and then another guy was pulled off a work project due to his impending baby being due…

And all the people we told about this in a meeting were laughing about being taken off work for that… they were all older men and had had their kids already

Then (because sometimes days are really tough and the universe likes to remind you who is in charge!) 3 strangers just got into the lift I was in and they too were talking about babies and the birthing suites in town and if they were having a normal birth..etc.

Now I know these things can happen we cant escape it but how do people cope, it seems so unfair to be faced with it everyday or having out bursts of anger & tears everyday over stupid things when I get home because I have to be “on” everyday at work… sometimesI just want to stop the world and get off. 

But I know I can’t so how can I sort it out to cope….? What can I do…? Sigh.

This is hard.

image

Something good for someone good

Just to help me along out of my shadows of sadness I thought I’d give some musicians I know a small plug… so if you’re into Vinyl and want some new music you should check this out…

“Psyrok and LSJ have been making “trip-hop” together from opposite sides of the globe since 2009.”

Now they’re stepping it up a notch: releasing their music on vinyl! https://www.pledgeme.co.nz/projects/4621-psyrok-lsj-limited-edition-7-vinyl

image