New Beginnings. Again.

Hey all,

So I have booked in a session with a PT tonight, I am pretty excited about it, I haven’t really been doing much lately and really need a boost! My old trainer unfortunately passed away before Christmas, then there was Christmas and holidays and Birthdays! add to that Mum cancer, and there you have a recipe for fat and unfit!

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It all really threw me off the path. But now I am back!

I am going to rejuvenate myself with healthy eating, exercise, family fun times, dates with my darling and my home hobby… Photography (check it out if you want to http://juliet-white.pixels.com/index.html).

So watch this space and I’ll let you know the real deal about my first meeting with a PT and how much FAIL happens, here’s hoping I don’t fall over the treadmill because I know my BMI is super bad (were talking 173cm / 99kg, so not good!!)

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Best News!

My mum had the best news from the surgeon today, they got it all. No need to go back in, no spreading! the best possible outcome besides actually not having it in the first place!

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This is by no means the end of the road, but the road looks a little less liquifaction and brimstone and a little more yellow brick now!

Next we move onto pills for a few years and some raditation therapy, I’m sure this won’t be easy but for now I will bask in the glow of this amazingly good news!

On the weight front – we have a new goal – bikini for June…. I am thinkgin about giving clean eating a go for a month and am currently sorting out a new PT!

Life is on the up and I can already feel the weight lifting off my shoulders.

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I guess the last thing is for me to remember this feeling, the way I do right now, and never let anything drag me back down. Life should definitely feel this good.

 

 

 

Well this is not easy!

The last few weeks of my life have been hard, in so many ways, not only in regards to losing weight.  I have never been in a position of support like this before.

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Don’t get me wrong I have been in postions of support for other friends with the big C! or for friends and family where someone has passed away, or to support some friends out of some dark places, even got myself through some pretty crappy times!

I’ve definitely seen my fair share of tragedy etc.  but this to me is different. This is my mum. Parents being ill has a profound effect on a family, and maybe because I am the baby of the family? this has had a massive effect on me.

I’m learning, taking in the new lesson and understanding what I can from it, but it’s hard.

Over the past few weeks I have been her confidant, friend, counsellor and I guess distration. I have watched her swing from one side of the fence to the other, I have watched her get angry for no reason, get immensly tired, worry, worry and worry again. I have seen her not tell people, and how hard that has been for her and my dad to say “we’re fine” to people who ask that simple ‘how are you?’ question, because explaining it and how you feel is too hard.

Following her onto the ward beside my father after her operation is something I will never forget, of course as always she was in high spirits, I don’t think I have known or will even know a woman as strong as my mother.  But for the first time I saw her as fragile, and pale and ill and for the first time I have seen my father sad, worried and feeling helpless.

This is not how I want to see my mum, nor how my mind can even begin to imagine to see her in the future when her time does come. I feel as though I have had a glimps into our ‘one day’ our ‘soon’ and I don’t want it to come yet. I don’t want it to come ever, but I will need to make peace with it eventually and enjoy the time we have now.

We are currently waiting for results, I am both hopeful and fearful at the same time.

It’s been very busy at work as well with big ventures ongoing and big efforts going into different pieces of work and this doesn’t even mention the emoitional struggle of a teenager that we are working on, a relationship that is trying to keep on the right track and the fact that a fair few people simply forgot it was my birthday. So suffice to say I had a minor pity party, then I had a large celebration weekend and now I am back on the bandwagon with being “good”.

I am starting to seriously think though that perhaps my major weight gain has to do with stress, cortisol and all those things that we don’t actually talk about. If I was to let out how I felt to all those around me, those dealing with issues probably bigger then mine, how would they see me? and if I was to talk more and be more selfish, look after me instead of everyone else would I be happier and lose wieght?

What are things that you do to stay sane in times of immense stress? aside from self medicate  🙂 let me know! I would be grateful for others experiences carrying them through these moments of life’s rollercoaster.

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I’ve been out a while, but I am back.

Hello again to anyone who reads my blog!

I have been out a while due to the fact that my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last month and I can only say since then I have been learning a lot of lessons about supporting one of the most amazing women I have ever known.

To be fair for a bad diagnosis, it’s a really good one! those of you out there who understand this disease will know what I mean. I have had a few friends go through this over the past year or two and I think now, I kind of know a bad diagnosis from a good diagnosis.

Anyway I thought I would do a small list of what I have learned in the past whirlwind month of being number 2 support person in my mums life (and over my lifetime):

  1. You only have one mum. Love her, all of her, even if she’s a little annoying sometimes because you never know when she won’t be there anymore.
  2. Life throws curve balls. You’ll never be ready for them.
  3. Some things in life really just don’t matter. Stop worrying about them.
  4. Find the beauty in simplicity.
  5. Your capacity for love and to love is far greater then you even think possible.
  6. Lessons are always coming, they are never going to stop.
  7. Enjoy the ride, even in the darker moments. Thats where you will find your toughest lessons.
  8. Some friends can’t help, they don’t know what to do, how to listen, empathise or sympathise. They have their own things happening, respect that. Also sometimes these might be just the friends you need.

That is all I can think of for now, I’m sure I will learn more along this journey, and maybe the stress will help the weight-loss?! HAHA! probably not, but dreams are free.

Don’t forget to do what makes you happy, life is short! for me this is travel. I will be doing loads as we move forward in this life.